


Wish I Were...

by KangSeulgisOfficialSimp



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Friendship, Insecurity, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Ten has a crush on johnny, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, johnny doesn’t like him back, their friendship kinda goes down the drain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29077848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KangSeulgisOfficialSimp/pseuds/KangSeulgisOfficialSimp
Summary: “Why would you ever kiss meI’m not even half as prettyYou gave her your sweaterIt’s just polyesterBut you like her betterI wish I were heather”Ten has liked Johnny for years. Johnny is straight, and in love with someone else...
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Wish I Were...

It’s the third of December. Johnny and Ten are sitting on a bench at the park. 

The ground is covered in snow, snowball fights are happening, snow angels are being made, and couples are walking with each other while holding onto each other to keep warm.

That was how they were keeping warm. Ten on the other hand, was keeping 

warm by wearing an oversized sweater that wasn't his own. It was Johnny’s. 

Ten felt bad for having to steal Johnny’s sweater, but this December seemed 

to be colder than ever.

“I’m sorry.” Ten says.

“For what?” Johnny asks with a confused look on his face.

“For having to wear your hoodie. I just have cold blood, sorry. You must be cold.”

“I’m wearing like 3 other layers, I’m fine, don't worry about me. Besides, you look way better in it than I do.”

Thank god it was 10 degrees out and Tens face was already red from the 

cold, cause if it wasn’t, Johnny would have noticed how much that made him blush. 

_“If only you knew how much I like you.”_ Then thought. He’s liked Johnny for 

such a long time, and he just can’t seem to get over him.

Johnny’s attention turns from Ten to the girl that passes them by. Ten likes 

Johnny, but Johnny likes _her._ _Her_ name is Kim Seolhyun. 

“Oh my god, she's so beautiful.” Johnny says when she gets far enough away so that she couldn’t hear him say that.

“Yeah, she really is.” Ten tried his best to not sound as broken as he really was. Thankfully, he’s good at disguising it. He’s gotten used to it.

“I think I’m gonna ask her out tomorrow.” 

That broke Ten even more. He knew there was no way he could ever have a 

chance with Johnny. Johnny’s not even into guys. But seeing Johnny with someone else every single day? He didn’t know if he could handle that.

“You should.” 

Despite the fact that Ten’s in love with Johnny, he still wanted him to be 

happy. So, he still encouraged him.

“You think she likes me?”

“Of course she does. With the way she looks at you in class, there’s no way she doesn’t. I’ve seen her stare at you with hearts in her eyes. It’s so obvious that she likes you.” 

“How should I do it?”

“Buy her a rose and give it to her and ask her to dinner at a nice restaurant.”

“You’re such a good friend, you know that?” 

“Glad I can be helpful.” Ten fakes a smile.

Later that night, when Ten gets home, he goes straight to bed. He’s still 

wearing Johnny’s sweater. He falls asleep while crying.

—

The next day, Ten hides behind a tree on their college campus. He’s listening 

as Johnny asks Seolhyun out on a date. He’s hoping that for some stupid reason, she’ll say no or that Johnny will change his mind and tell her “never mind.” That doesn’t happen.

_“Yes! I would love to go on a date with you. I’ve liked you for a while now.” Seolhyun says with excitement in her voice._

Ten felt his heart sink. Tears were filling his eyes and he couldn’t stop them. 

He didn’t want to stop them. He quickly walks away while crying.

—

On Saturday, Ten was sitting at his bay window, looking outside. Today is the 

day that Johnny’s going on his date with Seolhyun. He hopes that their date is going terribly. That she isn’t as amazing as she seems. That Johnny is realizing that asking her out was a big mistake because he doesn’t like her, but actually likes his best friend, who has been there with him since the very beginning.

It doesn’t seem like it’s going that way though. Ten’s phone dings. He checks 

it and sees a text from Johnny.

**Johnny:**

Omg my date is going amazing

It’s literally like a dream

I’ve learned so much about Seolhyun

She’s literally so amazing

**Ten:**

Well, I’m glad you’re having fun

He was glad that Johnny was having fun, but it was also killing him inside. He 

doesn’t even know why he still thinks “maybe.” Johnny would never like him. He’s straight. He likes Seolhyun. Ten hates Seolhyun. Why does Johnny have to like her? But at the same time, can he really blame him? Seolhyun is an amazing person. She’s such a sweetheart, she’s one of the smartest girls in their college, and she’s so, so beautiful. 

Why would Johnny even ever like Ten? He’s nothing like Seolhyun. He’s not 

smart, he’s not a sweetheart, he’s not even half as pretty as her. Even if Johnny did like guys, there’s no way he would like Ten.

Ten started crying as he thought about Johnny and Seolhyun together. The 

thought made him cry even more.

“Hey Ten, dinners re-“ Xiaojun starts, “hey are you okay?” He noticed Ten was crying, but he quickly wiped his tears away.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.” 

Ten hasn’t told anyone about his crush on Johnny. He didn’t really want to, but 

he wasn’t sure if he could keep it to himself much longer.

“Then why were you crying?”

Ten started sobbing again. Xiaojun rushed over by him and sat down next to 

him. He puts a comforting hand on Tens shoulder while asking what’s wrong.

“I’m in love with Johnny.” 

Xiaojun was honestly surprised. He would have never guessed.

“Oh… oh my god that must be terrible for you.” Xiaojun says. He knows that Johnny is straight and knows how hard that must be for Ten.

“I can’t get over him. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard, but I just can’t.”

“How long have you liked him?” 

“Since senior prom.” 

“Wow, that’s a long time. Almost 3 years.” 

Ten still remembers that night. He doesn’t know if he liked Johnny before that, 

but that was the night when he realized he liked him. Neither of them had dates. Well, people asked them, but they rejected them. Ten wasn’t openly gay at the time and the people that asked him were all girls. Johnny just rejected people because “if Ten doesn’t have a date, I will not get a date.” What really made realize he was in love with Johnny, was at prom when they played a slow song. Johnny asked Ten to dance as a joke. The slow danced like a couple as a joke. It was all for fun, but at that moment, Ten kept wishing that it wasn’t just “for fun.” That's when he realized.

—

Johnny and Ten were drinking coffee at a coffee shop downtown. It was the 

day after Johnny’s date.

“So, you’re date went well?” Ten asks, even though he knows the answer due to the texts he sent the previous night.

“Oh my god, it was amazing. She’s such an angel. She’s beautiful inside and out. She’s just amazing. One thing that surprised me though was that she’s a black belt in karate.” 

“Wow, that’s shocking.” Ten chuckles.

“I know right. She also knows 5 languages and can play 6 instruments.”

“Wow. Smart and talented.”

“Oh, and at the end of the date, I kissed her.” Johnny says excited.

“Really? How was it.”

“She’s a great kisser. We were walking in the park after we left the restaurant. There was this Christmasy set up and we walked under this archway that had a mistletoe, and so we stopped and kissed.”

“Sounds like you had a really good time.”

“Oh, I did.”

Ten was smiling on the outside, but he was crying on the inside. Hearing 

Johnny talking so highly of someone else, just hurts. He wishes Seolhyun didn’t exist. Or, he just wishes he could be her. She has everything Ten doesn’t. She has Johnny.

—

It’s been a couple weeks. Johnny and Seolhyun aren’t officially a couple, but 

they act like it. They go on dates, eat lunch together, flirt, kiss, hold hands, spend all of their time together. It’s gotten to the point where Johnny doesn’t spend much time with Ten anymore. He can’t tell if he’s jealous because he’s in love with Johnny, or if he’s jealous because it feels like he’s losing his best friend.

—

Seolhyun and Johnny are officially dating. The sweater that once kept Ten 

warm, is now hanging on someone else’s shoulders. The last time he wore that sweater, probably really was the last time he will ever wear it. 

Oh, what Ten would do to be able to be kept warm by the oversized polyester 

again.

—

Ten feels betrayed. He’s hurt. He’s angry. He feels like crying. He feels like 

punching someone. He feels sad.

Ten and Johnny were supposed to hang out. They were gonna see a movie 

that they both really wanted to see. Johnny cancelled because of “family issues.” Ten still wanted to see the movie, so he went by himself. He sat in the back row. A ton of people walked in, but he couldn’t help but notice a specific group of two. They sat a few rows in front of Ten. They didn’t notice Ten, but Ten noticed them. Johnny and Seolhyun. 

Johnny cancelled on Ten and lied to him. He cancelled on Ten to go on a date

with Seolhyun. It wasn’t that he canceled on him that made Ten mad, well, he was mad about that, but what he was mainly upset about was that Johnny lied. He didn’t have to make up a dumb excuse. 

Ten didn’t even want to watch the movie anymore. He got out of his seat amd 

left the theatre, crying. He didn’t know that Johnny saw him.

Johnny didn’t go after him and ask if he was okay. Ten didn’t confront Johnny 

about canceling on him to hang out with his girlfriend. They just brushed over it. They should have confronted the situation, but they didn’t. This was the beginning of what they never thought would happen.

—

Ten was losing his best friend. Ten was losing his best friend, who he’d been 

with since he can remember, to a girl Johnny had just met 5 months ago. 

They were drifting apart, and they both knew it, but they didn’t know how to fix 

  1. They didn’t know if they could fix it. Things between them just weren't the same. They've never lied to each other or cancelled plans with the other, but ever since Seolhyun came along, there’s been too much of that. It wasn’t just Seolhyun though. Johnny has met new people. Those new people were brought on by Seolhyun. Ever since she has come into the picture, other things have popped up that have been splitting Johnny and Ten apart.



It wasn’t just Johnny who was lying and canceling plans, but Ten was also 

doing so. The reason for him though, was different. He knew that if he hung out with Johnny, then Johnny would pretty much be talking about Seolhyun the whole time, or he would be on his phone texting his new friends. 

Ten had other friends too, but they weren’t Johnny. Johnny was Tens best 

friend, his soulmate, his ride or die, but now, he’s just someone who he talked to and hung out with sometimes. They weren’t best friends anymore. Even though Ten was still madly in love with him, what broke his heart even more was just that his best friend was gone.

Ten remembers the pact they made when they were 8 years old. “No matter 

what, nothing will separate us. We will be best friends forever.” That didn’t age well…

—

“Ten, do you have a crush on me?” 

That question took Ten aback. He wasn’t expecting that. Him and Johnny 

were hanging out, but due to how much they’ve drifted apart, it was really awkward.

“What? Why are you asking?” Ten asked, trying to disguise how panicked he is.

“Ever since I started dating Seolhyun, you’ve been acting a bit strange.”

“What do you mean?” Ten asked, despite knowing what Johnny was talking about.

“You seem a bit… jealous.”

Ten knows that it got to the point where he couldn’t hide his jealousy. He knew 

Johnny noticed, but he didn’t think it would be brought up randomly.

“Well, sorry for being upset that my my best friend has stopped hanging out with me to hang out with some dumb girl.” 

“Excuse me?” Johnny said, clearly offended.

“You heard me. I’ve been with you since before we can remember, and now you’re just throwing our friendship away for some girl you met 8 months ago!” Ten yelled.

“I’m not throwing our friendship away! You just can’t accept the fact that I've met someone who makes me happier than you ever did and that I can’t spend all my time with you anymore!”

That made Ten want to cry. _“Makes me happier than you ever did.”_ But, of 

course he didn’t show how much that hurt. Some girl that came along 8 months ago, makes him happier than his best friend who he’s known his whole life. Well, are they really still best friends?

Johnny must of realized his mistake cause he was as shocked as Ten was when 

he said that. 

“Ten, I didn’t me-“

“No. I get it. I understand. If I don't make you happy, why don't we just stop being friends?”

“What. No! Ten-“

“No. It’s fine. I’m fine with not being friends anymore. We pretty much already aren't friends anymore, anyways. When’s the last time we’ve hung out? When’s the last time we actually told each other the truth? When’s the last time we haven’t cancelled plans on eachother?” Ten says. The volume of his voice getting louder with each sentence.

“Ten…”

“No, Johnny. It’s fine! It’s completely fine!” Ten yells and takes a deep breath before calmly continuing. “I’ll just get going then.” He walks over to the front door. It hurt that Johnny didn’t even try to stop him.

“Bye, Johnny. I guess our friendship is officially over.” Ten opens the door and is about to walk outside, but he stops and turns back to Johnny.

“By the way, I’m in love with you. I have been since senior prom when we were jokingly slow dancing. I just thought you should know. You made me the happiest person alive. I’m sorry I didn’t make you as happy as you made me, but it’s fine. We’re no longer friends, anyways. Goodbye.” Ten says with tears filling his eyes. He walks out of Johnny’s house and starts sobbing as he walks to his car. He looks back one more time, hoping that Johnny will come out and apologize and beg him to still be his best friend. He doesn’t. Ten gets in his car and drives away.

—

It’s been a month since their friendship ended. They pass each other on 

campus everyday, but neither of them dare to make eye contact.

Ten hasn’t only lost the love of his life, but his best friend. He hopes Johnny’s 

happy. He hopes that some girl is worth this all. Ten hopes that one day he’ll be able to say “I hate Johnny Seo” and mean it. But right now, he can’t say he’s telling the truth when he announces the lie to his other friends.

Everything is ruined. He can’t blame Seolhyun. He can’t blame Johnny. He 

can’t blame himself. He can’t blame anyone. He wishes he could. 

Ten hoped that he could somehow be with Johnny in a romantic way, but now 

he can’t even be with him in a platonic way. 

Johnny and Ten are done. They’re over. Ten feels like his life is over. Without 

his best friend, there’s nothing. Is life worth it if his best friend is no longer there by his side?

Again, Ten is staring at himself in the mirror. He is thinking about Johnny and 

everything that’s happened in the past 9 months. Again, he’s left here wishing.

_“I wish I were Seolhyun.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Tyson for reading fellow hooman:)


End file.
